Through grief and most cancers, Southern Miss’ coach pulled off a defining upset

In 2017, Joye Lee-McNelis started writing her obituary.

Where she was born. In the southern Mississippi neighborhood of Leetown.

Preceded in demise by. Then a clean area, not figuring out if she would die earlier than her mother and father.

A word of because of her household, to the gamers she had coached, to the staffs she had labored with and the administrations she had labored for.

McNelis had been recognized with stage 4 lung most cancers. While desirous about her demise, she centered on how her life can be remembered. Her husband, Dennis, thought she was loopy. She reassured him she wasn’t involved in regards to the act of dying. “I just want to plan it all out,” she instructed him. “There’s no need having you and our children worrying about it.” She wished it to really feel like a celebration.

McNelis is now 61 and in her twentieth season as Southern Mississippi’s head coach. She hasn’t seemed again at what she wrote. But one afternoon earlier this fall, McNelis and her father, Louis, sat outdoors on her patio speaking about their potential funerals. Louis, 87, had Parkinson’s illness and congestive coronary heart failure. Every artery in his coronary heart had been bypassed. McNelis, in the meantime, was within the midst of a 3rd struggle with lung most cancers. Her second got here in late 2020. Having been recognized once more in August, this time, for the primary time, she was present process chemotherapy.

They talked about tombstones. McNelis’ mother and father had already bought and arrange theirs. McNelis realized she most likely can purchase hers too, simply to be ready.

Their dialog turned to music. When she wrote her obituary six years earlier, she jotted down songs she wished sung at her funeral. “I may die before you, and you need to know what my songs are going to be,” she instructed him. There was one on each of their lists: “What a Friend We Have in Jesus.”

The tune is an previous gospel hymn. Religion is among the many threads that run by means of the McNelises. “There’s two things in our family,” she says, “and that is trusting God and basketball.”

McNelis grew up on a farm in southern Mississippi. She discovered to hitch a trailer and to bottle-feed calves. Louis, who listened to ministers on cassette tapes each night, instructed her if she wished to get out of doing work on their land, she might study to shoot baskets on the dust courtroom the household had stamped out on grass. But earlier than she might take any jumpers, McNelis needed to run the household’s cows off the courtroom and shovel the manure they left behind.

On Nov. 24, a couple of weeks after their patio dialog, Louis died. McNelis says, “Things went south” the earlier night. His respiration was labored till it stopped. McNelis’ dad was her hero. “My first love as a kid,” she says. After rising up in Leetown and starring at Southern Miss as a participant, she returned to the realm twenty years in the past to teach nearer to household.

My old flame, my hero and largest fan has joined earth to affix our JESUS. Heartbroken. Funeral Services for Louis Dempsey Lee, Sr., age 87, of Picayune, MS, who handed away 11/24 Visitation can be Monday, 11/27 11:00 -1:00 pm at Lee’s Chapel #2 Missionary Baptist Church. pic.twitter.com/tW3aFqbuct

— Joye Lee-McNelis (@CoachMcNelis) November 25, 2023

The Monday after his demise, in close by Picayune, his funeral was held at Lee’s Chapel #2 Baptist Church. Her fourth chemotherapy session was scheduled for the following day. Southern Miss’ matchup towards then-No. 19 Ole Miss loomed that Saturday. But her personal struggle, and her staff’s preparations, might wait. She eulogized him and heard their tune.

Have trials and temptations?
Is there hassle anyplace?
We ought to by no means be discouraged;
Take it to the Lord in prayer.

McNelis hopes that her most up-to-date chemotherapy session can be her final. To take care of her newest bout of stage 4, the therapies have occurred each three weeks since late September, with every lasting round two hours. The results linger for much longer than that. After her first therapy, she was a “sick cat” for 2 weeks. She felt the second’s impression for 9 days. On Day 8, she began feeling higher following her third. Six days after her fourth session, she lastly felt like she would have a “good day.”

It’s the nausea and fatigue that weigh on her. “When I feel like I can’t get my head off the pillow,” she says. When she will get actually drained, she typically throws up.

Throughout all of it McNelis has been resilient. She will get up every day. She says a prayer in mattress and reads devotions together with her espresso. If she’s in a position, she makes her technique to observe or a sport. That’s how her dad would have wished her to deal with this season. Around the fitness center. With her staff. Teaching, sport planning, discovering wrinkles the Golden Eagles can assault. When McNelis missed Southern Miss’ contest towards Valparaiso on Nov. 21 to go to him in Forrest General Hospital, the place the roof of Reed Green Coliseum was seen from his hospital room, he repeatedly instructed her, “This doesn’t make sense why you’re laying in bed with me and your team’s playing.”

“Dad, it’s OK, I’m where I need to be,” she mentioned she responded.

“A lot of people in life think that the world cannot exist if they’re not in it,” she says. “Well, guess what? It can happen. My team can continue to run whether I’m here or not. … I’m just very grateful for the people who have supported me and have helped me through it.”

Back in August, a PET scan revealed areas of exercise in her left lung. Her docs had been stunned when her most cancers returned. For greater than two years, she believed she was in remission. All her scans had come again clear, till they didn’t any longer.

McNelis led Southern Miss to a program- and career-defining upset of Ole Miss. (Courtesy of Southern Miss Athletics)

Like she had been prior to now, this summer season McNelis was open together with her staff about her analysis. “The one thing I can promise you is I will give you my best. I don’t know what my best is, but I will give you my best,” she mentioned. During the 2020-21 season, that meant typically teaching whereas hooked as much as a conveyable oxygen concentrator. She has missed a number of shootarounds this 12 months to protect her vitality and sleep as a lot as she will be able to.

“We watch Coach fight every day,” senior guard Dominique Davis says. “She’s fighting for her life, and while she’s doing that she’s still fighting to be with us every day.”

McNelis feels known as to the sideline. Through basketball, she seeks to show her gamers about sacrifice. About assertiveness. “To help them understand what it takes to live a dream,” she says. “It is our responsibility to help them see a path.”

She provides: “You have choices to be positive or you have a choice to be negative, and that’s every day you wake up. God is giving you the opportunity to wake up and have another day.” She cites a Lynn Anderson tune’s interpretation of one other passage of scripture.

I by no means promised you a rose backyard.
Along with the sunshine,
There’s gotta be a little bit rain someday.

Saturday, Southern Miss hosted in-state foe Ole Miss in its lung most cancers consciousness sport. McNelis’ oncologist, Dr. Bo Hrom, served because the Golden Eagles’ honorary coach. Leading as much as tipoff, McNelis’ ideas about her father had been interspersed with questions associated to the competition — the most important being, how are we going to attain?

Davis, certainly one of two senior captains, mentioned she entered eager to win particularly badly. For McNelis. For Southern Miss. “With all of this going on, why not go harder?” Davis says.

The Rebels led by 4 factors after the primary quarter and performed their opponent even within the second. Ole Miss stretched its result in 11 halfway by means of the third, however the Golden Eagles clawed again and trailed by solely 5 heading into the ultimate 10 minutes. Southern Miss’ protection stiffened within the fourth quarter, permitting simply 10 factors. Davis completed with a game-high 25 factors, together with an acrobatic layup with 15 seconds to play to offer a three-point lead Southern Miss wouldn’t relinquish. The win saved the Golden Eagles’ undefeated season alive and marked their first win over a ranked opponent because the 1999-2000 season.