‘Barbenheimer’ Isn’t a Contest. But if It Were, Which Film Would Win?

The simultaneous launch of “Barbie” and “Oppenheimer” captured the pop-cultural creativeness as a result of earlier than we had seen both movie, it was laborious to think about two options that occupied such distinctly totally different lanes. But now that audiences have sampled Greta Gerwig’s colourful Mattel comedy and Christopher Nolan’s weighty drama about J. Robert Oppenheimer, the so-called father of the atomic bomb, it’s turn into clear that for all their tonal variations, every movie is a one-of-a-kind auteurist blockbuster pondering some fairly meaty existential questions.

All it is a heady approach of claiming: Let’s pit ’em in opposition to one another!

Who would win if there have been an precise battle of Barbenheimer? To arrive at a solution, I’ve put every movie by way of its paces in 9 classes, with exams devised to measure them which might be each bit as scientifically rigorous because the experiments performed throughout Oppenheimer’s Manhattan Project. (Note: This declare has not been fact-checked.)

Culpability of protagonist

Do Oppenheimer and Barbie each have blood on their fingers? After racing to create an atomic bomb that can finish World War II, Oppenheimer (Cillian Murphy) spends the ultimate hour of his film haunted by visions of the useless and questioning whether or not he has unleashed a nuclear arms race that can imperil the way forward for humanity. Barbie (Margot Robbie) can be compelled to face her personal difficult legacy: Upon coming into the true world, the place she expects to be greeted as a benevolent famous person, she is as an alternative dressed down by teenage ladies who deride her as a fascist has-been whose unrealistic magnificence requirements have harmed generations of ladies. At least Barbie can assuage her responsible conscience with a journey of self-discovery and you-go-girl help from America Ferrera; Oppenheimer has to endure a humiliating authorities listening to and a sequence of withering seems to be from Emily Blunt. Then once more, it’s a degree of flagellation he feels he deserves, which packs much more of a punch. Advantage: “Oppenheimer”

Depiction of governance

Men rule the world in “Oppenheimer,” and their authorities is full of vipers: After the struggle ends, battles are waged on the house entrance as formidable apparatchiks scheme to discredit their rivals and previously jovial colleagues are moved to stab each other within the again. The female-led authorities in “Barbie” guidelines over a comparative utopia that subs slumber events for strife and posits {that a} harmful coup perpetrated by offended, addled males could be undone just by tricking them right into a musical quantity. Who wouldn’t reasonably dwell in that world? Advantage: “Barbie”

Depth of ensemble

The seeds of Barbenheimer have been sown early in manufacturing as each movies raced to forged half of Hollywood of their ever-swelling ensembles, and every forged got here with some notable similarities. Leads Murphy and Robbie have each performed Batman villains. (He was Scarecrow in Nolan’s Bat-features, whereas she was Harley Quinn for DC.) Each movie includes a scorching younger auteur within the forged — the “Uncut Gems” co-director Benny Safdie pops up all through “Oppenheimer,” whereas “Barbie” has a cameo from the writer-director of “Promising Young Woman,” Emerald Fennell — in addition to a next-generation Marvel star (Florence Pugh in “Oppenheimer,” Simu Liu in “Barbie”). “Oppenheimer” flexes a bit more durable by filling even its smallest roles with Oscar winners like Rami Malek, Kenneth Branagh and Casey Affleck, however “Barbie” had the nice sense to marvel what Rhea Perlman has been as much as recently, which should rely for almost as a lot. Ultimately, this class is simply too near name. Tie

Fashion

Barbie is a well-known clotheshorse, and Gerwig’s film greater than delivers on the style entrance: Whether Robbie’s doll is carrying gingham clothes or disco jumpsuits, she takes costumes that might learn as cosplay and makes them stylish. You won’t count on the identical consideration to sartorial element from “Oppenheimer,” however 12 movies into his profession, one in all Nolan’s cinematic emblems has turn into impeccable suiting: After Oppenheimer is suggested by a colleague to degree up his look, we watch him don a hat and choose a pipe in a sequence that Nolan shoots as portentously as Batman placing on physique armor. Still, although Murphy is placing in interval clothes, there could be just one victor on this class. We have little doubt that Barbie would look trendy even in Oppenheimer’s tailor-made menswear, however might the theoretical physicist pull off her rollerblading look in eye-searing fluorescents? Advantage: “Barbie”

Catchphrases

Oppenheimer stated that after the explosive take a look at of the atomic bomb, a quote from Hindu scripture got here to thoughts: “Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.” In Nolan’s movie, we hear these phrases stated by Oppenheimer, however the first time he speaks them is in an uncommon intercourse scene along with his recurring flame, Jean Tatlock (Pugh), by which she pauses coitus to fetch a replica of the Bhagavad Gita, then asks Oppenheimer to translate the well-known quote from Sanskrit, sans garments. (Kinky, sure, however Tatlock clearly is aware of that the best way to this man’s coronary heart is to first admire his bookshelf.) “Barbie” has its justifiable share of quotable traces — two Ken catchphrases, “I’m just Ken” and “I am Kenough,” have already set social media ablaze — however have been any of them translated from the unique Mattel? Advantage: “Oppenheimer”

Usage of the colour pink

If something pink has ever appeared on the set of one in all Nolan’s movies, it was solely as a result of Harry Styles hadn’t modified out of his live performance put on earlier than capturing “Dunkirk.” Meanwhile, “Barbie” options extra pink than a clone military of Jigglypuffs downing rosé on the set of “RuPaul’s Drag Race.” You knew who would win this class getting into. Advantage: “Barbie”

Usage of the colour blue

“Oppenheimer” is in regards to the ethical value of unleashing upon mankind probably the most terrifying and highly effective weapon it has ever identified: Murphy’s gigantic blue eyes. (Can you get radiation poisoning from a pair of peepers? If you watch “Oppenheimer” in IMAX, chances are you’ll wish to take precautions by gazing upon the display by way of a pane of darkish glass.) The stunning cerulean sky of Barbie Land merely can’t evaluate to what Murphy is serving up: Even within the black-and-white parts of “Oppenheimer,” the actor’s eyes nonetheless really feel shiny blue. Advantage: “Oppenheimer”

Sound design

In latest movies, Nolan has employed a “wall of sound” strategy that hits its apex in “Oppenheimer”: Every single minute is soundtracked by Ludwig Goransson’s propulsive rating, whereas set items just like the Trinity take a look at and Oppenheimer’s foot-stomping gymnasium rally make use of a lot thunderous bass that they threaten to shake your complete multiplex. Though the movie is a three-hour drama about males in lecture halls, courses and courtrooms, its soundscape blares with the blockbuster momentum of an motion movie, and for all its sonic sophistication, “Oppenheimer” is unquestionably the front-runner for this 12 months’s best-sound Oscar. Still, “Barbie” has a Dua Lipa track. Advantage: “Barbie”

Box workplace

The rising tide of Barbenheimer has lifted each movies to smash-hit standing. “Barbie” scored the largest opening weekend of the 12 months with $162 million, barely faltered in its second week, and is now on monitor to cross greater than $1 billion worldwide and probably dethrone “The Super Mario Bros. Movie” because the 12 months’s prime grosser. And although different status dramas have struggled to attach on the field workplace for the reason that pandemic, “Oppenheimer” has been thriving: Its $82 million opening weekend far surpassed any of Nolan’s non-superhero options, and the movie’s remaining worldwide complete might prime $800 million, a shocking end for a super-long biopic. Though “Barbie” is the clear winner right here, it is a race with no loser. Advantage: “Barbie”

Final consequence

Think pink! In the battle of Barbenheimer, Gerwig’s comedy ekes out a victory over “Oppenheimer,” proving that some fights could be completed with no nuclear escalation in any respect. (But how would Gerwig’s “Little Women” fare in opposition to Nolan’s earlier movie, “Tenet”? Watch this house: If the strikes proceed, I could have to put in writing that.)